Are mall kiosk salespeople like Internet sharketers? I think so.
I had just left Dillard’s and was headed back to Victoria’s Secret to pick up my wife. No, really. That’s where she was. But before you get any big ideas about what she was shopping for, think of this: my daughter was with her. So yeah. I guarantee they weren’t shopping for Valentine’s Day gifts for me. (At least I hope not, because…the horror!)
All I wanted to do was get from point A to point B. Shopping for shoes in the mall was bad enough. I kind of prefer Target where all the shoes are right smack in the middle of the store, and there are only six varieties so I don’t get confused. So I’m walking with my new shoes minding my own business when this slick (read: young, cute) sales girl smiled at me and said, “May I?”
I had to stop. I mean, she smiled at me. Cute young girls haven’t smiled at me since pre-marriage days. Excluding my four-year-old. She’s cute and young, but it’s not the same, you know?
So I stopped (that was my first mistake) and let this girl tut-tut over my dry hands. There was no question about it: they were dry. And such a shame, too, good looking guy like me, she says. Next thing I know, she’s buffing my thumbnail with some kind of buffer thingy. I don’t know what it was. It was blue. And it left my thumbnail shiny.
Meanwhile, she learned that I am a writer, that I am married and have children, that I had just bought shoes, that I was at the mall for dinner with my wife and daughter, and that I had not yet bought her a Valentine’s day present.
I mean I’m so not a chatty person. That’s more than my coworkers know about me! I swear, if she had asked me for my social security number and my deepest hopes and dreams, I would have given them to her.
See, the thing is, I’m not even sure how it really happened. One minute we were just friends and the next I was a customer and had spent $40 I didn’t plan to spend on stuff my wife already has sitting on the dresser. Cuticle oil (WTF?) and some kind of lotion. She might have called it “butter” or something. Oh yeah, and salt from the Dead Sea. For scrubbing into your skin. To make it soft.
It was just so fast. And she seemed so sincere and I thought she really liked me and I believed her when she said that the softness on my hands would last for a week and the shine on my nail would last for three. I mean, why would she lie? We bonded, I tell you!
So what do you think? Are there any parallels? Discuss.
